Men and Therapy: Why the Hesitation and What It Means for Mental Health

Men. They’ll scale a mountain, rebuild a car engine, and maybe even attempt a viral TikTok dance before considering a therapy session. The reluctance of men to seek mental health support isn’t exactly breaking news. It’s become a cultural touchstone, mined for memes and jokes. But the underlying issue is no laughing matter. Recent surveys spotlight a disturbing trend: many men shy away from therapy, some because they see it as unmanly.

It’s easy to dismiss this resistance as simple stubbornness, but that’s too simplistic. Men often face intense pressure to be self-reliant, to handle problems independently. Asking for help, especially with something as “personal” as mental health, can feel like admitting defeat. This emotional repression can manifest as an “arrogance,” as one man I spoke with cautiously admitted, a belief that they should conquer their demons alone. It’s a sentiment I’ve encountered repeatedly in my own life, both personally and professionally.
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Yet, the statistics paint a stark picture. Suicide remains a leading cause of death for men under 50. Many men struggle with hidden depression, masked by overwork or social distractions. Therapy, while not a magic bullet, offers a safe space to confront these issues and develop healthier coping mechanisms. The problem is, many men don’t know what to expect from therapy, or fear appearing weak.

Perhaps the solution lies in changing the narrative. Richard Whitenstall, a therapist whose father died by suicide, draws a compelling parallel to car maintenance: getting a regular “MOT” for your mental well-being. Normalizing mental health checks can remove the stigma and make therapy feel less intimidating. Hearing positive experiences from other men helps immensely.

It is fascinating to see how some men are quietly embracing therapy. Whitenstall shared an anecdote about a client who discovered that several of his pub buddies were also in therapy, but none had ever openly discussed it. This silence underscores the need for greater transparency and openness around men’s mental health. As one 27-year-old noted, the conversation is shifting. He now sees therapy as a form of “exercise” for the mind.
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Of those men who have tried therapy, the vast majority report positive outcomes. However, finding the right therapist can take time. There’s a significant gender imbalance in the field, with far fewer male therapists than female. Some men might prefer to work with a male therapist, feeling more comfortable sharing their experiences with someone who can better understand their perspective. It’s crucial to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

We need to consider the broader societal implications. Male violence against women remains a critical issue. Unresolved trauma can contribute to destructive behaviors. Therapy offers a controlled outlet for processing difficult emotions and breaking cycles of violence. Failing to address these issues leaves a ticking time bomb.

The ingrained notion that men should suppress their emotions is damaging. Piers Morgan’s recent comments, suggesting that women don’t want men to be “frequent blubbers,” exemplify this outdated mindset. Many women want men to be emotionally intelligent, capable of open communication. Suppressing emotions contributes to male loneliness and a lack of deep connection.

Even well-intentioned policies can miss the mark. Wes Streeting’s Men’s Health Strategy, while laudable in its goals, focuses on traditionally “masculine” pursuits like sports, even though research suggests that these pursuits can contribute to negative social pressures for men. True progress requires a more nuanced approach, one that encourages men to embrace a wider range of interests and behaviors.

Furthermore, cuts to NHS mental health funding undermine efforts to improve access to care. While online services and employer-sponsored programs offer alternatives, the availability of free, accessible mental health support remains a challenge.

So, what’s the path forward? We need to dismantle the stigma surrounding men’s mental health. Encourage open conversations, share positive experiences, and challenge outdated notions of masculinity. It’s time to recognize that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a courageous step towards a healthier, more fulfilling life. Therapists are there to help carry the load.

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Keywords: Mens mental health, therapy for men, men and therapy, male depression, suicide in men, mental health stigma, emotional repression, male therapists