She’s Got a System (And It’s Messed Up)

Okay, so I read this thing today, an advice column, and wow. Some people, right?

There’s this guy writing in about his girlfriend. She’s got this… cycle, I guess you’d call it. Seems like every so often she just flips. Starts fights, becomes totally unreasonable, picks apart everything he does, the whole nine yards. Then BAM! Huge blow-up, she storms out, and apparently, uses that as an excuse to sleep with other guys or, you know, do drugs.

And here’s the kicker: After a couple of weeks, she waltzes back like nothing happened. Flowers, booze, declarations of love. He tries to get the truth out of her—where was she? Who was she with?—but she shuts him down. Great sex apparently solves all. And it works! He’s back under her spell.

I’ve seen this kind of dynamic before. It’s a power play. To be honest, it’s kind of manipulative.

But he’s miserable, obviously. Living in fear of the next “episode,” especially since she’s been getting close to a new colleague. So, he’s reaching out for advice, like, what should I do?

The advice columnist, “Jane,” tells him what he probably already knows: The girlfriend’s playing him. That she doesn’t respect him or the relationship. And that he needs to kick her to the curb. Before she does even more damage.

It’s harsh, but I think it’s right.

Here’s the thing that gets me, though. Why does he stay? Like, what’s the draw? I get the great sex part—physical attraction can be a beast. But is that really enough to put up with all the emotional turmoil? The cheating? The potential for STIs, not to mention the drug use?

Sometimes I think people stay in toxic relationships because it’s familiar. It’s a messed-up comfort zone. Change is scary. Being alone is scary. But, man, being with someone who treats you like that? That’s got to be worse.

The column mentions his sexual health. Seriously.

And I think the scariest part of it all? The guy knows. He knows he’s being used. He hates himself for being “weak.” That’s rough. That’s a hard place to be.

It reminds me a bit of a friend who was with someone incredibly charismatic, everyone loved them but my friend was a shell. They did break up eventually, but not until there were a lot of tears and frustration.

So yeah, what’s the lesson here? I guess it’s that sometimes you have to choose yourself. Even when it’s the hardest thing in the world. And maybe, just maybe, good sex isn’t worth sacrificing your mental health and your self-respect. But that’s just my two cents, you know?

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